There are many perceived reasons for divorce. Here, I’ve listed the most common reasons that contribute to marital breakdown or why people get divorced.
I’ve found that there’s usually a combination of factors that lead to a divorce. Your situation, however, will be personal to you and therefore different to everybody else’s.
As a couple, you don’t live in a vacuum. You’re part of – and contribute to – everything and everyone around you. Changes in society, gender roles, community integration, values, beliefs and the law all have an impact
You know things are not going well for you and your spouse. Your partner did seem stern, aloof and resentful that last time you spoke to each other. Like always you expect them to come around, let go of the steam and become their normal self with time. Instead, one day, you come home to find their clothes missing from their cupboards and a piece of paper on the dinner table- a divorce notice.
Do you think this scenario could transpire into your life? It’s not uncommon that couples start to fight and make up… fight and make up, until one day they fall apart for good. Don’t neglect your relationship issues, you never know, your relationship could be treading towards rocky roads too!
What are the real reasons for divorce? Infidelity, lack of communication, financial troubles, sparing sessions of sex and intimacy are some of the reasons for divorce. Let’s look at the 10 most common reasons for divorce and hope that you can learn from the mistakes of others
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common cause of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe. Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy. Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair”.
Sexual problems, particularly loss of libido (male and female) and uncertainty about your sexuality (are you bisexual?) or your partner’s sexuality – could he or she be bisexual?
Significant differences in core values and beliefs (see: Relationship Compatibility Questions)
Life stages – you’ve outgrown each other or have changed significantly for whatever reason
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true. Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. “Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples.
Money issues can strain a marriage to the breaking point
3. Lack of communication
Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage. On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage. Practicing mindful communication, to change age-old marriage mistakes, can be hard but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship, Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration/attentiveness… feeling like the relationship is one-sided is a big one!
4. Constant arguing
From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships. Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated. Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution.
Incessant arguing kills many relationships
5. Weight gain
It may seem awfully superficial or unfair, but weight gain is a common reason for divorce. In some cases a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy.
6. Unrealistic expectations
It’s easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations; expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be. These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure.
7. Lack of intimacy
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses. This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, then know that over time it can become the ground for divorce. Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
Lack of intimacy can quickly ruin a marriage
8. Lack of equality
When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment. Every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges, and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious and joyful relationship.
9. Not being prepared for marriage
A surprising number of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s. Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples. It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse and be removing yourself from the relationship safely is important. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or significant problems after the birth of your baby, or lack of support with child-bearing,
Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing something positive to address the cause, or learning how to deal with it if it can’t be changed, Traumatic and/or life-changing events
responses to prolonged periods of stress, such as work-related stress, long-term illness, mental health issues, financial problems, problems with the children, infertility… the list could go on!
Feeling bored in or with your relationship and growing apart
Dealing – and coping – with a jealous partner.
Having blended family issues
No marriage is easy. Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their challenges and end up in courtrooms. That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship early on. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing. Practice kindness, make intimacy a priority, go on holidays and seek marriage counseling (even when things are fine) to preserve the health and longevity of your relationship. Try your very best before you decide that things are beyond your control and it is time to give up. That way you can have the peace of knowing you tried all of the alternatives before the big step.